A Pricey Bachelorette Party is Out of My Budget. How Do I Avoid Disappointing the Bride to Be?

“My friend is having a destination bachelorette party that would be really fun, but by the time we book the AirBnB, the flights and pay for meals and daytime excursions, it’s way out of my budget. At first I said I would go, but now I realize I can’t afford to go to a pricy bach right now. How do I tell her I can’t join her? without major disappointment? It feels like a lot to ask of people to pay for an expensive bachelorette party plus a destination wedding and give a nice gift?“

Here’s the story: You just need to come clean. Destination weddings and bachelorette parties may be the “dream” for the bride, and being surrounded by her squad is in her mind part of makes the whole weekend fun (and the pictures worth posting), but if you can’t swing it, don’t sweat it. This is what she has to expect when she makes plans that are off the hook. Some. people won’t want to be on the hook!

The average cost of a bach party has gone up to $250 a day according to HelloBachParty.com, and it can be much more if you add in the cost of room, flight, a rental car, party swag, daytime activities, dinners, drinks and a gift for the bride. This estimate seems low! We can easily see it getting to $1,500 per person.

Telling a bride that you can’t attend because of personal cost constraints is like ripping off the bandaid. Honesty is the best policy. Here’s how you can approach the situation without burning a bridge.

1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Reach out to the bride in a private setting (text her and ask for a time for a one-on-one call or coffee, if you are in the same city). Then have an honest conversation. You can rehearse a few key lines in advance.
2. Express Excitement: Start by telling her you are super excited for her upcoming wedding and love her plans, spouse, dress and details. Tell her nothing would make you happier than to celebrate with her.
3. Be Honest About Your Financial Situation: Explain to the bride that, unfortunately, attending the bach party and the wedding (both involving travel such as flights and hotels or shared houses) is not feasible for you due to financial constraints. Assure her that it’s not about her or the event itself, but rather about your current financial circumstances.
4. Apologize Sincerely: Offer a genuine apology for any inconvenience (such as if she had counted on you as one of the housemates to split the costs of an rental house) or disappointment at your impending absence (since you are always the galvanizer and organizer of events). Let her know that you truly wish you could be there but it’s just not possible for you at this time.
5. Suggest Alternative Ways to Celebrate: Even though you can’t attend the bachelorette party, suggest alternative ways you can celebrate with the bride. You could offer to take her out for dinner or plan a smaller, more affordable drinks party with friends unable to travel to the events, and tell her you definitely want to celebrate her closer to the big day.
6. Respect Her Response: Be prepared for the bride’s reaction, whether it’s disappointment, anger, push back (such as suggesting you come for part of it, or other ways to lower the over all expenses), or hopefully understanding. Remember that everyone has different priorities and financial situations, and she may not feel the same financial restraints, but hopefully she can appreciate your honesty.

By approaching any conversation with kindness, honesty, and respect, you can communicate your point of view, which is always valid. Start sentences with framing that is impersonal.

Instead of telling. her how inconsiderate it is to expect your closest friends to lay out what could be thousands of dollars in travel expenses to get to a bachelorette and a destination wedding, try to frame it as something personal. Such as:

“The problem for me is….” I am on a strict budget right now. Or “From my perspective…” this is a lot of money and I need to be careful with my financial situation right now… Hopefully by pointing out your feelings, rather than her lack of perspective on the size of the ask, this friendship can be saved.

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