If you’re like me, you have been experiencing severe election anxiety for the past few weeks. The good news is it’s almost over. The bad news is it may not go your (or my) way.
Watching the news nonstop has not helped me feel less anxious. What has? Reading the teachings of the Stoics. Yes, Stoicism, that ancient philosophy that dates back some 2,500 years, has more to teach us than all the political pundits or modern day talking heads combined.
Since last posting I have been working on a book on the best of self-help through the ages . Starting with the Stoics and going up through modern day self help gurus (I can name many who I admire). Every time I listen to Mel Robins, Brené Brown or Jay Shetty, I realize there is so much to learn and I love to take a little of this and a little of that, in order to assemble an approach that works for me.
It’s like having a sports coach, who can say nine different things in nine different ways, and it’s the tenth way that works. Or a combination of phrases. I seem to need to hear things restated a few different ways before it sinks in. Then I can internalize it. That’s the moment it clicks.
The same is true of self help. I cherry pick the most useful quotes to assemble my own school of self help. It’s a buffet approach to “help yourself” since by choosing a little of this and a little of that, I can find the messages and signature words that resonate with me.
Most of the time, I love messages of personal accountability, the idea that your mental outlook can determine the way your life turns out. Of course there are things you can’t control (events, illness, accidents and such) and that is why I love reading about stoicism.
Understand What You Can Control, And What You Can’t
The Stoics believe that understanding the difference between things you can control and things you can’t (and being accountable what you can) is the secret to curing anxiety and living a peaceful calm life.
Apply this to breast cancer. I used to lie awake at night (in my early 30s) worried about getting breast cancer. A close friend was going through it and I was convinced I was next. I went to the doctor – a breast specialist – and discussed my anxiety. She told me, “Live healthy, eat right, exercise, avoid tobacco and drinking to excess, and maintain a healthy weight. When you turn 40, get your annual mammograms. After that, there is really not much else you can do. Live your life. You are healthy!”
I walked out of the doctor’s office and saw dozens of women in the waiting room who were actually going through cancer and realized: They have a more positive outlook than I do. I have to shake this off. If I were being honest with myself, I was not living my healthiest life. At the time, I was social smoking, drinking to excess, and eating junk. That was where my anxiety was coming from. I was squandering my health. I cleaned up my act, got myself into shape, quit the bad habits and started eating healthy, and the anxiety cured itself.
The First Self Help Movement: The Stoics
So where does that lead us? I started researching Stoicism for this book on self help through the ages (and what we could take from each movement), and found reading the teachings of the Stoics helpful, and a source of understanding about where anxiety comes from, and how to feel better by acknowledging that certain things are outside of our control. (And many are within our control. We have everything we need to be our best selves.)
Stoicism could be considered the first self-help movement known to man, since the writings are extensive. The Stoic school of philosophy flourished among the Greeks and Romans from the 3rd century BCE to the 3rd century CE and the most famous Stoic was Marcus Aurelius, who wrote his diary or Meditations, which are full of helpful quotes that often get repeated to this day.
Stoicism is not simply: Have a stiff upper lip. The teachings are more akin to: Understand what you can control and what you can’t control, and live a life of virtue, which will help you find peace and calm.
Stoics teach that we need to to respond to the world around us in harmony with nature and to strive to adhere to one of the four virtues: Courage, Temperance, Wisdom, and Justice.
Courage to me means getting outside of your comfort zone trying to challenge yourself and not being too scared (to write a book, to seek a new more meaningful job, or to move on from the wrong relationship!). Temperance is akin to moderation and to me it means only consuming what you need, not more or less. This includes my trying to not buy clothes or shoes I really don’t need! Wisdom is spending time reading, gaining knowledge, seeking truth, and trying to be informed. Justice is doing the right thing, being fair to yourself and others.
A few of my favorite Marcus Aurelius quotes:
1. “You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
2. “Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.”
3. “External things are not the problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now.”
4. “Settle on the type of person you want to be and stick to it, whether alone or in company.”
5. Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.
I find these quotes helpful, since we elect a new president this week (Election Day has become more like election month, but the votes will be counted starting tomorrow night) and I know that half of the country will be disappointed, extremely upset and feel cheated of a future vision of their liking. But Marcus Aurelius also said:
“The best revenge is not to be like your enemy.”
To me this means be kind, be empathetic, be understanding that win or lose, some people will feel the sting. Have the integrity to reach out to someone whose beliefs are different from yours and offer an olive branch. I coached soccer and always felt that how you act when you win is as important as how you act when you lose. I asked the athletes not to gloat but to be good sports. When shaking hands at the end of the game say “Good game… you’ll get us next time.” Or words to that effect.
Bottom Line: So whatever happens this week, remember you can’t control the outcome, only your own reaction to it. That includes how you feel emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Keep the faith in the future. And in your own ability to be accountable for your own actions.
Choose not to feel harmed. Last time, when the election was close, I went for a long walk on the beach. I needed to get away from the news for a while, and just check in with my own feelings, gain composure and be a good sport, whichever way it ended up. I hope to do that again this week. I want to try to feel calm, breathe, and not let events determine how upset I allow myself to get. Whichever side wins, I will try to be a good sport, stay strong, and help others do so as well.
Want more about the Stoics? I recently discovered The Daily Stoic, a website and content hub by Ryan Holiday. I now receive his emails and follow The Daily Stoic on Instagram, where he has 3.3 million followers. Why so popular? The Stoics themselves have a lot to offer, but the readership is also due to how Holiday breaks down the ancient wisdom for his readers and makes it feel modern, relevant and helpful. Another thing they teach: Live everyday to its fullest (or as if it were your last). Postpone nothing … or as Seneca said: “The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” Got it!
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