What’s Next? Let’s take Care of Ourselves and Each Other

As the news sunk in yesterday that the election was a landslide my phone lit up with texts related to the election aftermath. Friends near and far have been getting in touch to ask what’s next? Women were upset, distraught and angry. Men were mostly accepting. Women asked, “What now?” Men said, essentially, “Move on.” I landed somewhere in the middle. I want to answer both “What now?” and “Move on” sentiments this way: Now we take extremely good care of ourselves — and each other!

How I started: Yesterday I took a long beach walk with Bonnie (who appears thrilled to be at the water’s edge, which makes me forget my troubles as I watch her bounding about, smiling and playing). Any time I am near the ocean I breathe deeply, and the ions that float into the air get into my body, calm my mind and help me feel grateful for my life.

Then I made a big batch of onion soup and treated myself to that for dinner, since it is one of my favorite meals. Treating myself to a long restorative, calming walk and homemade healthy food felt like just what I needed to level set. I started the day with an online bike workout, followed by dozens of texts and calls, some from friends I had not heard from in a long time, and then that calming walk to remind myself to feel grateful and lucky: I live in a state where women’s reproductive freedom is law, and many have it worse than me. I am ready to give back in ways big and small.

My mantra is from the Stoics, who taught: Know what you can control and what you can’t control, and then concentrate on what you can, which is your reaction to outside events.

The exact quote is:

“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.

We can control our own health and our outlook.

However you take care of your mental, physical, and emotional self, do it now. We don’t know what the future brings — we never did. The only thing you can control is your reaction to events. I go back to that like a mantra. So here is what we can control, and what I am trying to do now.

1. Stay Healthy or Decide to Get Healthy. Work out daily (and break a sweat). Eat healthy, delicious food and don’t drink to excess. (I failed that over the past few nights, hoping wine would help wash away election anxiety. It didn’t.) Do something that feeds your soul, calms or inspires you: Take a long walk, visit a museum, go to a concert, read a book.
2. Connect and reach out to others. Even (or especially) those you don’t agree with, or who don’t agree with you. We have more in common than what separates us. We all want a better life for our kids (we just don’t agree on what that looks like or how to achieve it). If you want to be helpful to friends who are upset who mourn a future they’d dreamed of, led by a woman president, text or call. Tell them you are here to listen. Validate their feelings.
3. Do something generous, just for the sake of it. A young girl (of about 10 or 11) in line in front of me at the supermarket was trying to buy a large bag of potato chips. Her mother was nowhere to be seen. She handed the clerk a roll of singles, which he unfurled and counted. It was $4, short $1.49. I handed him two singles and said, “Enough after all!” I didn’t love the fact that she was buying a large bag of chips (junk!) but I liked being generous. Her mom appeared and they walked off, none the wiser.
4. Give back to people and the planet. List the causes you care about. For me the list starts with: Women’s reproductive freedom, LGBTQ rights, youth mental health, the environment, and our collective wellbeing. Now think of ways to give back (donating or volunteering). For me, it’s offering my services as a writer, content strategist, or by publishing stories spotlighting people who work on the front lines of these important causes.
5. Remember you can only control what you can. The rest is out of your control. Sounds obvious. But fretting over things outside your control leads to anxiety and wasted energy (and often a spiral into stress eating and drinking). Knowing the difference is a way to throw off anxiety and welcome peace of mind. At first I despaired that I couldn’t control the election outcome, other than by donating or voting. But now I know there is a lot I can do to try to make the world a better place. And I am planning on trying. Starting by being kind to myself and others!

For more on this topic, I just listened to an excellent podcast by Mel Robins, interviewing a Stanford neuroscientist and author, on the topic of “Manifesting.” It goes deeper than manifesting wealth, material things like a Porsche or Rolex. They talk about how to switch into a giving, loving mode in the brain (through mindfulness) and manifest happiness and calm by helping others. I think you will find it helpful. I did. Here it is the link. What is helping you right now? Please share and do let me know, since we are all in this together!

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