Everything You Need to Know to Get What You Want in the Bedroom and Be Sexually Healthy. First, It Helps to Be Able to Put Your Concerns Into Words.
The doctor is in.
Dr. Amy Novatt has been treating patients for years, but recently she decided that she could better serve her community of women in the Hudson Valley in and around Rhinecliff, New York better by expanding her reach beyond the exam room.
She launched GynoCurious, the podcast about women’s health, and it has taken off, gaining new listeners every month. On her show Dr. Amy reflects on 32 years of practice as a board certified Ob-Gyn and she interviews women who want to share their stories. Some have harrowing journeys through a health care system ill-equipped to deal with things such as unusual symptoms of pain, extreme fatigue, mood swings, infertility, heavy periods, and other possible early-warning signs that can end up being serious and where many of the women she interviews end up getting properly diagnosed much later with endometriosis, PCOS and more.
Dr. Novatt’s decision to expand her reach and serve her broader community coincided with the political landscape where women’s reproductive freedoms and access to abortion are being drastically restricted since the Dobb decision was handed down from the Supreme Court 2 years ago. Now, abortion is severely restricted or fully banned in 41 states and there is the potential risk that other women’s medical care and reproductive rights will be further restricted – including IVF, oral birth control and Mifepristone.
Now Dr. Amy is serving a larger purpose: As an advocate for women in every area of their sexual and reproductive health, she is someone who brings a calm, steady voice of reason and advocacy for women, who may also be experiencing gender and racial bias when they show up to hospitals, doctors offices and clinics needing urgent health care and treatment.
While here at The Advice Pages we like to stick to the subjects that include relationship issues, work-life issues or well-being or fitness advice, (the things that keep us up at night) and generally avoid delving into politics (which you get everywhere else), now there is no separation between women’s health care and the political landscape. (Now, politics is keeping us up at night!) Even so, the two main topics of this interview align with women’s well-being – including mental and physical health – and relationships, especially the one you have with yourself.
“Every aspect of women’s health is political,” Dr. Amy says. “You can’t separate one from the other.” Still, she agreed, there are times when the healthiest thing to do is take a break from the news cycle, especially if it’s stressful and causing you lack of sleep, anxiety, or general feelings of malaise about the future. “Right now it really feels like, if we listen too much to all of it, it depletes our well-being.”
Dr. Amy’s advice to anyone who is feeling the ill effects of the constant barrage of news: “I would say to anyone who’s says, ‘I’m struggling with what’s going on,’ or who is feeling anxiety, my number one recommendation is: Turn it off, because it’s hard to hear the same thing over and over and not feel overwhelmed. I’m not saying don’t be informed, but there’s no question that every once in a while we have to get off the screens.”
Instead, she advises, prioritize time with loved ones, away from the screens – in real life! How to de-stress? That could look like something different to each of us, since what relaxes one person is different than what de-stresses someone else.
Instead of sitting at our computer, let’s envision a nice long hike in the woods, finding a perfect picnic spot and dipping place to cool off in the beautiful Hudson Valley. Take nature walks, spend time listening to music, and before and after you go to work, just turn up the music and dance, or sing, or do just about anything that feels like an escape from the relentless news and negative energy on screens. If it makes you smile, relax or laugh, it can be healing.
“The point is to ditch the screens and prioritize spending time with others,” she says. “being with people in person is actually very, very important,” Dr. Amy tells us.
Here is Dr. Amy’s advice to women on prioritizing their physical, emotional, mental, sexual and overall health, and the three things you can do now to protect yourself and stay healthy. We asked her five questions, and she provided a list of three things you can do to set yourself up for total wellbeing now and in the future. The first thing is to learn to talk about sex and your needs.
- What would you like your female patients to know, when they walk into the exam room?
Dr. Amy: I would say that we all have some level of reservation speaking about our intimate lives. For some of us the quotient is small, but for others, it’s larger. And it happens for a lot of reasons. Some women use the word vagina, like any other part of the body, and others have been brought up to not be able to talk about sex and their body so easily. It’s individual.
If someone asks me what is “normal” in terms of how often to have sex, for instance, I would say that there is no ‘norm’ It’s up to you and your partner to decide,
And even then, there can be disharmony. Let’s just say in a heterosexual couple, what a man wants and what a woman wants in terms of intimacy – the amount, and where, and when – all that stuff can be discordant or concordant. I tell women to learn to talk about sex, to say the word vagina and other appropriate and accurate language for their body parts to help normalize talking about their bodies and to reduce feelings of shame and shyness.
This is important, health-wise. Knowing what feels good and what doesn’t feel right is so important in the bedroom and beyond; being able to identify your own needs is the start to a healthy intimate life. What’s comfortable and enjoyable for you is what matters. (More on that later when we talk about diagnosing serious conditions and when to go to the doctor.)
“So much of what happens in our intimate lives that is not working is about our inability to put words to it.”
I like to use strategies to discuss sex and reproductive health with a patient so that she feels more grounded. We talk about what she needs and how to get it, and moreover how to communicate it. Because so much of what happens in our intimate lives that is not working is about our inability to put words to it. I’m the kind of person who can talk about sexand I have a terrific partner who’s very open as well. This allows me to feel comfortable and hopefully, helpful speaking about all matters of sexual function and dysfunction with my patients and podcast audience.
I understand the barriers that seem to come up when we’re talking about sex. I like to tell patients “if you’re not comfortable talking about sex, you’re not alone since so many folks have not been given the opportunity to fully explore their sexual needs, wants and the language of pleasure.
2. We watched Sex and The City and Thought it was groundbreaking. Then Girls Comes Along and Changed the Dialogue – suddenly S&TC Looked Quaint. How have things shifted for Gens Y and Z?
Dr. Amy: There’s this cultural overlay on our personal and intimate lives. That is that we – our generation – didn’t speak about it as much. And now folks in their 20s and 30s are so much more open about everything, like sex toys and gender issues. This is fantastic but for some vulva havers, this expansiveness, talking about “everything” can feel overwhelming.
It’s like, “Who am I supposed to love?” For some of these young women, they are experiencing conflicts between their own desires and the expectations of their world to explore beyond their own feelings of security. So there are advantages to this time of sexual exploration but for some, it can be intimidating and a challenge.
3. When you ask patients about their sex life or Their Reproductive Plans or Thoughts, is that something they welcome?
Dr. Amy: I can’t tell you how many times somebody has said to me. “No one’s ever asked me that question and are relieved to be asked. And for me, those questions seem very obvious and important. I can’t imagine interviewing a woman and not asking them. I ask women if they are in an intimate relationship(s) and if they are enjoying their sex life; and if not, what feels like the problem. It’s part of my routine questionnaire when I meet someone, and then again every time they visit my office. Yet we know that most doctors do not ask.
So the first thing I’d say is before even going to the clinicians office and you know you want to talk about sex (or any important matter while you’re in the office): Write your questions down, because the minute we walk into an office we tend to be intimidated, and we forget. We’re nervous. It’s freezing, and the nurses coming in and out of the room, and there’s so much activity and distraction. Writing your questions down at home in a safe place allows you to organize your thoughts.
Secondly, say to the doctor. “I want to talk to you about sex” or “I want to talk to you about reproduction,…” and that way they know it’s on the agenda.
4. What Are Three things that You Can Do to Protect Your Sexual Health, Now and Everyday?
Dr. Amy’s Advice:
- Get a physician who you trust and can talk to, so if anything goes wrong you have an advocate who already knows you, listens, and has a rapport with you.
- Know what’s normal for you and your body, and don’t be shy about calling your practitioner if weird, painful or alarming symptoms crop up and persist. Figure out how to speak to your sexual partners about your needs and wants. Never be afraid to say NO!
- Know how to access Mifepristone and other medications that assist you in being well.
5. Cancer is on the rise among younger people in the US, especially Colo-rectal cancer. What symptoms should ring alarm bells, and What do you want women to know about taking care of themselves?
Dr. Amy: A very common phenomenon is that women always put themselves behind their family and loved ones. They will be fastidious about caring for their family and making sure they have the resourcesthey need. We often subjugate our own needs and aches or pains to take care of others, so certainly one of the messages I hope GynoCurious does for the listening audience is to remind them that they’re important too, and that their concerns have value.
So before one has pain or symptoms, find a physician you feel comfortable with and can get on the telephone is a good first step.
It’s so hard to meet a new doctor, in the face of fear, anxiety and worry about new symptoms, especially within the chaos of the medical system in this country. It’s much easier to go to the doctor if you have seen that person and you have some facial or name recognition and a resource like a phone number or an email.
If you have sudden pain or bleeding or any alarming symptom that you need to get checked out, it’s harder to go see a new doctor when you’re feeling overwhelmed by your body.
As for symptoms that’s anything that doesn’t feel right or normal to you, in terms of your bowel movements (such as constipation or bloody stools), or severe aches or pains. Sudden weight loss and a change in appetite should be discussed with your clinician.
The objective is to know your body and to have resources and to use them, when you need them. If there is a family history of colorectal cancers one should see a clinician/specialist in her twenties to know what screening tests might be useful and important.
6. What do you say to women who don’t believe there will be a national abortion ban. And why do you think women Are willing to vote for candidates Who Don’t protect their reproductive freedoms?
Dr. Amy: I remind them of historical events, and history has a way of repeating itself. Even as of two years ago the Dobbs decision took people by surprise. Many people felt it would never happen, and particularly in the face of the international phenomenon of religious, right-leaning countries that are now making abortion legal.
I think that some of these women have been so traumatized in their lives, that they just can’t make decisions that prioritize their freedom over perceived security. They are living in a home where the men (typically) are voting for Trump and they just can’t imagine creating any controversy about this issue in the home. I really do think there’s that kind of pressure.
Maybe it’s just the physics of pendulums. Things are swinging back. I’m seeing in a lot of different ways more conservative thought in young women. I’m meeting patients in the office who are telling me a couple of things: more of them telling me they are waiting for marriage before sexual activity and that they are taking on their husbands names (if in heterosexual relationships).
It’s mind-boggling how anybody who is a woman could vote for someone who appears to despise women? How can you possibly support a person who so clearly doesn’t respect women and whose policies, if enacted, will effectively reduce or eliminate a woman’s power over her body and the capacity for clinicians and doctors to provide full and safe health care. We need to keep reminding these folks of what repercussions can happen if they don’t pay attention to who they’re voting for
7. Do You Have Words You Live By?
Dr. Amy: Grace- Grace for me encompasses the capacity to be sympathetic and empathetic.
Another word is “Grit.” My work has demanded a great deal of compromise, fierceness,fortitude and grit!
And “integrity”
This includes the capacity to be honest with myself and with others;tostand by my principles and know that I have a right to them even if others might not agree.
Find Dr. Amy Novatt online and listen to her podcast
Listen to Dr. Amy on her GynoCurious podcast here.
For more great advice, follow Dr. Amy Novatt
IG LINK: Gynocurious
FB LINK: Gynocurious
PODCAST: https://gynocurious.podcast.radiofreerhinecliff.org/
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