Recently my husband and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary, marking a huge milestone in our relationship. We’ve been together for more than five years and since then, our relationship has evolved in more ways than I could have ever imagined. Here is my best relationship advice.
You might wonder, How much one can learn in just a year of marriage? Well, the answer is, quite a lot. This first year has been the best in our relationship so far, marked by some ups and downs. With all the good, there were also trying times. Even though we are newlyweds, I can give you the best relationship advice that worked for me. Try it and see if it helps you have a healthy relationship, no matter where you are in your journey.
10 valuable lessons I’ve gained from being married
1. Never stop pursuing personal growth
Marriage should not stifle personal growth. Initially, I felt a bit stuck in our routine, but my husband’s proactive approach to overcoming stagnation inspired me.
Recognizing the importance of individual growth, I found motivation in activities like more ambitious cooking (I’m a foodie), prioritizing social connections outside our relationship, and reading self-help books.
2. Blame the problem, not the person
A quote I heard on a podcast on relationship advice, “Blame the problem, not the person,” deeply influenced our approach to conflict. Fighting and disagreements in relationships are inevitable, but it’s how we communicate in those moments that defines how we get through it.
Early in our relationship, I tended to find blame rather than address the problem. Now, we try to pinpoint the problem and backtrack from there to a solution without blaming each other.
3. Find the most effective way to communicate
Another thing I realized during our disagreements or disccussions: The communication method that works best for me doesn’t necessarily work for my husband. I like to talk problems through in the moment, whereas my husband needs to take a beat before we discuss it.
I always thought my husband needed to conform to my conflict resolution style. We realized we needed to learn each other’s communication styles and find common ground to resolve conflicts.
4. Try to see things from the other person’s perspective
Realizing that my perspective isn’t the only one has been a humbling experience. Just because I view a situation one way doesn’t make it the only or right way. Taking a step back to understand my husband’s viewpoint not only resolves conflicts but also deepens our understanding of each other.
5. Individual space is a must
For most of our relationship, my husband and I always thought we should do everything together, but this approach led to unnecessary bickering and meant we weren’t fostering our own needs.
This all changed when we moved in together 2 and ½ years ago. We recognized the importance of personal time and individual hobbies and this transformed our relationship.
For me, that was walking on the beach, experimenting with new recipes in the kitchen and yoga. For my husband, that was pickleball, weightlifting and joining a men’s hockey league. We now appreciate and support each other’s need for space.
6. Be direct and don’t be afraid to ask for help
Direct communication and expressing my needs transformed our relationship. Instead of expecting my husband to read between the lines, clearly articulating my feelings created an open, supportive, and enjoyable dynamic.
7. Privacy matters. Keep other people out of it
Keeping our conflicts private rather than airing them out to others strengthened our relationship. Venting to friends or family created unnecessary tension. By addressing issues directly with my husband, we were able to work through whatever was bothering me.
8. Switch up date nights
Date nights don’t have to follow a set pattern. We’ve learned to keep them spontaneous and diverse, allowing the weekend to guide our plans. The key is to cherish the small, genuine moments rather than adhering to a rigid schedule. Some of our favorite dates have been cooking classes, hot yoga, and grabbing fresh pastries and coffee.
9. Embrace each others’ imperfections
I always thought I had to have a homemade dinner on the table when he got home. Meanwhile, my husband felt guilty that he wasn’t home at the time he had expected, or sometimes had to work weekends.
10. Don’t feel like you have to conform to gender roles
We both imposed expectations on ourselves to conform to traditional gender roles. Releasing the pressure to be the perfect husband and wife has allowed us to create a more balanced, relaxed, and accepting relationship.
As we look back on the ups and downs of this past year, we have grown both individually and as a couple. Cheers to many more years!
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