Be Your Own Role Model and More advice from a Leader who works far from her Office

We asked Natalie Eagling for her advice on living her dream life and striking the right work-life balance as a mother, wife, team leader and busy executive.

It may not look like everyone else’s version of the dream, since she lives and works in North Yorkshire, England, several time zones from her Denver office (a 7 hour time difference), but when Natalie went looking for role models, it was hard to find someone to base her vision for a future on.

There were too few women in her circle of friends and colleagues who appeared to “have it all” or be a working mother with the kind of flexibility she craved. Her vision included having a career, living outside a big city, and raising a family on her own terms. She has figured out how to make it work for her, and along the way she has learned important lessons, from unpredictable sources (like bad bosses), on what works and what not to do.

Here is her radically candid advice.

What advice would you give your younger self?

When I look back to my younger self, I feel so sorry for her. I spent so many years looking for a role model, wanting to find someone who had been a career woman, with a husband and kids, and who didn’t live in a big city. (Harrogate is home, nearly 3 hours from London by train.) I wanted proof that this vision existed… that despite all the ‘no’s’ I heard, there would be some evidence that it was possible to be all the things I wanted to be, and without compromising on my lifestyle. 

Years later, I now realize that the life I wanted was absolutely possible. That just because there was no role model, or clear guide for how to get there, I would be able to carve out the life and career I wanted. 

My advice would be: March to the beat of your own drum. Don’t wait for permission or precedent. Tune in and listen to what you want, create a vision for the life you want to live, and then go live it. Don’t listen to the people who tell you no, who say its not possible, or it hasn’t been done before. Listen to you… that determined, fierce woman who knows what she wants and how she will get it. And don’t settle until you do. 

You inspire women through your leadership and fearlessness. Where did that come from? Who was your inspiration?

Bad bosses. 

I have had so many poor role models as leaders –both men and women – I got so fed up of seeing how poorly it was done, over and over again. I decided I wanted to do things differently, to do things the way I had WISHED leaders I had worked under had done things. 

I set out to be the opposite of the leaders I had worked under. 

I flipped aggression for empathy, perfectionism for continuous improvement, workaholism for work, play and rest, toxicity and politics for radical candor, disingenuous and politically driven ‘career advice’ for genuine care for my team.

And one of the biggest areas I decided to never compromise on was integrity. I will never, ever display the lack of integrity that was demonstrated to me through years of poor leadership.

You could say that my inspiration was every bad boss I ever had. Flipping the script on all of them has been my secret weapon and my greatest success. 

What advice do you give to someone who says, “I could never do that”? What would you say to help others get started on their journey and achieve success?

My advice? You’re right. If you think you can’t do something, you’re probably right. You’ve already quit on yourself. 

The truth is, I have worked for 17 years with some enormous companies, with billionaires, with FTSE 100 businesses… and I have a secret I can share: I’ve always been so surprised that THOSE people were in THOSE roles. 

It is rare that I have been blown away by someone’s talent, knowledge, or drive. 

I don’t say that to be big headed, I say it because most people are capable of incredible things. 

It is rare that I have been blown away by someone’s talent, knowledge, or drive. 

I don’t say that to be big headed, I say it because most people are capable of incredible things. 

All it takes is hard work, bordering on obsession, discipline and confidence. But if you don’t think you can do it, you’re missing half of the puzzle. 

I’ve realized many [successful business leaders and founders] are no more talented or capable than the average person; they just work incredibly hard. The secret is simple: Discipline, dedication, and self-belief. Start by adjusting your mindset. Hard work and confidence are often all it takes to elevate you from dreaming to doing.

How do you stay motivated to keep going once you’ve met your goals? (Your energy is contagious. We want to bottle that!)

I never truly celebrate hitting my goals; instead, I expand them. Just as I approach one, I nudge it further. This perpetual goal expansion keeps me hungry and continuously striving for more. It’s a cycle of never-ending pursuit that fuels my motivation.

Do you have a mantra or words you live by that have helped you through tough times and kept you going? 

I do! I have several actually… 

First is a simple one that so many people know, but so few people live by: Be so good, they can’t ignore you – Steve Martin. 

I truly love this mantra. It encourages those who take it onboard to really put their all into whatever they are working at, and be so good that their light shines so brightly that it can’t possibly be ignored. 

The second for me is: 

Ambition looks like you living in a way others won’t, so you will have a life others can’t. 

This is a big one. I have lived an unconventional life for many years. Currently, I manage and lead a social media agency based in Denver, Colorado, from my home in the UK. I work their hours, which means I am often up working until 11pm or even midnight. It means traveling to be with my team and clients at least every 6 weeks, sometimes more frequently than that. I live a in a way that others won’t – in fact, in a way that others cannot comprehend. 

So many dinner parties, family gatherings and coffee with friends turn into an opportunity for those who ask if this is really how I want to be working… and while its not always ideal, especially as a mother of two kids, we have made it work, and there are benefits to working this way. I love that I get my mornings. I go to the gym, and take time to prepare healthy and nutritious meals for my family, to clean up the house and to get things organized at home.

Now I spend several hours working before anyone [at the office in Denver] has woken up yet; responding to emails, doing deep work that I can’t do once 9 am Mountain Time hits and Slack messages and emails abound. I often take a break to grab dinner or to put my girls to bed because the flexibility allows me to do that. And each year, I take my family on a work trip with me so they get to see my office, my team, my home-from-home. 

That to me is living in a way others wont, so that we – as a family – can have a life others can’t. And for that, I am eternally grateful. 

Anything else we haven’t asked? advice you love to share?

I mean, I could probably prattle on for days… But, here are my top tips: 

1. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Looking after yourself is the absolute top priority in a successful career, life, relationships… On bad days, or weeks, ask yourself: Did I sleep? Did I eat? Did I drink too much alcohol? Did I drink any water or eat any veggies lately? Did I exercise? Did I take a walk in nature? My guess is that 99% of the time, feeling better comes from resetting one or more of these things. 

2. If you’re going to do life with a partner, make sure they are fully in support of you and your career. Being ambitious and chasing success can be hard on the person on the sidelines… even harder if they are chasing too. When you embark on this journey, do it with someone who is in it with you… who is going to cook for you on days you don’t have time to feed yourself, who can care for your kids for weeks on end while you throw yourself into work. Someone who doesn’t begrudge or feel threatened by your success or ambition, but fully supports and celebrates it. Because that will make this really hard journey so much better. 

3. Never. Stop. Learning. Never be the smartest person in the room. Enter every room, every conversation seeking to learn more. Regardless of who you are talking to. You will be surprised how much you can learn from a conversation with a 5 year old, a 17 year old, a 27 year old… don’t dismiss people because of age or stature. Listen to podcasts, audiobooks, read, digest content, reflect on it, watch videos, take trainings… do it all… learn it all. 

For more great work advice, visit The Advice Pages Work Life articles. Have a topic you need advice on? Please post a question or DM us @advicepages.